Is It Just Me Or Is Everything Kak? The Whingers’ Guide To South Africa, by Tim Richman and Grant Schreiber

Is It Just Me Or Is Everything Kak? The Whingers’ Guide To South Africa, by Tim Richman and Grant Schreiber.

Is It Just Me Or Is Everything Kak? The Whinger’s Guide To South Africa by Tim Richman and Grant Schreiber is a funny, acerbic and deeply satirical attack on everything that makes modern living so painfully painful.

"THIS is a very funny book, but perhaps not what you want to give your mother-in-law. Tim Richman and Grant Schreiber hit the button for me on just about every whinge they came up with, and they came up with a few. Nothing is sacred, not even Thabo. And of course Jacob Zuma gets a great big thumbs up for being superbly kak. From kak SMS spelling to Weliness (Like showow, man!) this little book has down pat all the annoying things we deal with every day. It even brings up a few things I didn’t realise irritated me, like Poshs sunglasses. Truly Posh has the worlds kakkest, most irritating sunglasses, and until this was pointed out to me, I just didn’t know what it was that was so annoying about that bony slapper. This is truly a book I recommend. but be warned, its not for prudes there’s a good few four-letter words in there. And if you’re a Danny K fan, well, leave it on the shelf." The Times (Tina Weavind)

Telkom:

If you've ever considered quantifying the badness of Telkom - with its special brand of market monopolisation, exorbitant pricing and seemingly deliberate ineptitude - take a look at its customer-service replies to the (many, many) complaints on www.hellopeter.com. Here you will discover that Telkom's ability to explosively aggravate any human being alive who comes in contact with its services is, in fact, boundless. In case you can't be bothered, we found some random samples, complete with spelling errors, farcical corporate speak and copy-and-paste customer placations: In response to a complaint headed "Lying staff": Sincere apologies for the inconvenience caused by the discrepancy in completing the task at hand. National Customer Care will escalate accordingly and oversee until complete. In response to a user complaining that his ADSL line had been down for four days and he had phoned the Telkom call centre 15 times without being helped:

Apologies for the delay in restoring service to your line. National Customer Care is investigating the nature of the delay and will escalate accordingly. In response to a complaint headed "ADSL 5 Week Saga Part 3!!!!!": Interfacing with the Company through various mediums all at once leads to many personnel concentrating on one issue and this does have a tendency to create confusion Eg. this office is soliciting assistance from the technical environment in escalating the installation (as per your previous posts), whilst (as per indication in this post) other personnel have been requested to cancel your order. In response to a post complaining about "very poor service": Sincere apologies for the delay in installing your line. Your message will be escalated via customer care and we endeavour to install as expeditiously as possible. Anyone want to hazard a guess just how "sincere" those apologies are? Or where they came up with "escalate accordingly"? Or when someone with some influence is going to escalate a boot up Telkom's ass?

Tourists:

They ruin everything.

Manto Tshabalala-Msimang:

Sometimes we have doubts. Is there a god? Are Angie's breasts real? Is it wrong to demonise Manto Tshabalala-Msimang as the symbol of idiocy, unaccountability, neglect, egomania and farce in our national government? The first two may be debatable, but just to confirm the last one: no. And that's a definitive no - the same thing Dr Beetroot said for many years to AIDS sufferers asking for antiretroviral drugs. Here's a woman who's effectively made it the defining mark of her tenure as minister of health to sentence countless South Africans to death, by (among other things) refusing to make available Nevirapine to HIV-infected mothers prior to 2003. Having begrudgingly conceded that People Who Know About Science And Stuff may, in fact, have a point when they say that antiretrovirals are vital in combating the AIDS epidemic, Manto continues to reiterate her belief that traditional medicines are the way to go. In 2006, the South African stand at the International AIDS Conference in Toronto was, effectively, a vegetable display. Is it possible to top that for a national embarrassment? Perhaps if Manto had arrived dressed up like a giant lemon? (Which would be appropriate, of course.)

Then, having garnered a modicum of sympathy - a very tiny modicum, but a modicum nonetheless - after undergoing a liver transplant, Manto's first noteworthy act back in the job was to throw her toys and withdraw from the third South African AIDS Conference, in June 2007, on discovering she had only been given a minor speaking role. Shame, Manto, are you wondering why no-one likes you? Listen closely: it's because YOU TELL PEOPLE DYING FROM AIDS TO EAT BEETROOT! WHAT THE HELL DID YOU EXPECT? By the way, how's the African potato and garlic working out in lieu of the daily cocktail of immunosuppressants you need to keep the new liver? Or are you, in fact, taking the prescribed drugs from the doctors who treated you in the nice private medi-clinic? According to widespread reports - that were not refuted, as of February 2008 - our health minister is an alcoholic. Transplant eligibility aside, this might be considered the equivalent of having a thief in charge of the ministry of finance. Funny that, because Manto happens to have that charge hanging over her head, too. Trevor Manuel, look out.

This is an excerpt from the book: Is It Just Me Or Is Everything Kak? The Whingers’ Guide To South Africa, by Tim Richman and Grant Schreiber.

Title: Is It Just Me Or Is Everything Kak?
Subtitle: The Whingers’ Guide To South Africa
Authors: Tim Richman; Grant Schreiber
Publisher: Two Dogs
Cape Town, South Africa 2007
ISBN 9781920137205
Softcover, 13x20 cm, 144 pages