Van der Merwe: 100 stories - first published collection, by Tony Koenderman, Jan Langen and André Viljoen

Van der Merwe: 100 stories - first published collection, by Tony Koenderman, Jan Langen and André Viljoen. Lorton Publications. Hillbrow, South Africa 1976. ISBN 0620016973 / ISBN 0-620-01697-3

South Africans Tony Koenderman, Jan Langen and André Viljoen had collected 100 stories and jokes on the popular fictional Afrikaner character, Koos van der Merwe. This first volume of two was published in 1975.

Tony Koenderman  

Drunk as a lord, van der Merwe returned home from a riotous party and collapsed on the bed. He was awakened by his wife, demanding to know what had happened to the expensive cigarette lighter she gave him for his birthday. "I think I left it at the party," mumbled van der Merwe. "You get out of bed this minute, go and find the lighter and don't come back without it," screamed his wife. Feeling like death, van der Merwe staggered off to his car. Only then did he realise he didn't know where the house was. All he could remember was that it was a white house with a green fence and a golden toilet. After driving around aimlessly for hours, he found a white house with a green fence. Two men were dozing on the stoep in the morning sun. "Ag, ekskuus tog," said van der Merwe. "I see this is a white house with a green fence." Neither of the men moved. Van der Merwe ventured further. "Is there perhaps also a golden toilet?" Slowly one of the men turned to his friend. "Frikkie, here's the ou who was sick in your saxophone."

Whilst in England, van der Merwe was taken by a friend to visit Oxford University. At midday, the friend suggested lunch and they went into a cafeteria. The place was crowded and while carrying a tray of food, van der Merwe bumped into a Black and said "Get out of my way, piccanin." To his dismay, the Black burst into tears. "Look man," said van der Merwe. "I didn't hurt you." "No, baas," said the Black, "you have just made me so homesick."

South Africa's first space satellite was launched, manned by van der Merwe and a trained monkey. Some 300 kilometres above the Pacific, a signal lit up and the monkey made a few adjustments to the controls. Two hours later there was another signal, and again the monkey carried out a maneouvre. Another hour passed, and again there was a signal for the monkey, which carried out instructions perfectly. By this time, van der Merwe was getting impatient. When was he going to have something to do? He radioed ground control to complain. "Don't worry, Van, you'll get your instructions in due course," came the reply. Eventually there was a signal for him. "Control to van der Merwe: feed the monkey!"

This is an excerpt from the joke book: Van der Merwe: 100 stories - first published collection, by Tony Koenderman, Jan Langen and André Viljoen.

Title: Van der Merwe
Subtitle: 100 stories - first published collection
Compilation: Tony Koenderman; Jan Langen; André Viljoen
Illustration: Darryl Lombard
Genre: Joke book, humour
Publisher: Lorton Publications
Hillbrow, South Africa 1976
ISBN 0620016973 / ISBN 0-620-01697-3
Original softcover, 15 x 21 cm, 55 pages, numerous drawings