Stuff South African white people like, by Christian Lander and Hagen Engler
Stuff South African white people like, by Christian Lander and Hagen Engler. onathan Ball Publishers. Johannesburg; Cape Town, South Africa 2014. ISBN 9781868426126 / ISBN 978-1-86842-612-6
Most white males have, at some time, experienced Jungle Fever, and they are not immune to the assertive, curvaceous sexiness of the black woman. Often this will be limited to admiring a beautiful black woman standing at a taxi rank from the safety of their Toyota Fortuner. Stuff South African white people like, by Christian Lander and Hagen Engler, tells more about it and other strange habits.
However, cross-cultural dating is increasingly becoming part of South Africa's urban landscape. Mixed couples can often be spotted entering places like the Benmore Gardens Shopping Centre in Sandton, walking close together as if they're trying to decide whether they should be holding hands or not. Occasionally, these relationships will progress to marriage and thence to child rearing. Swanning around with a mixed-race child is like parading a trophy, like winning the World Cup for the liberal white person. To make them feel good, it's best to ask what language they're teaching their child. They will say English and some vernac. Otherwise, white men will sometimes conspiratorially express appreciation for female superstars who are not white, often Beyonce, Alicia Keys or JLo. If they do so, it's best to agree and say, 'Ja, she's gorgeous, hey' and not make a point of her skin colour. This will make everybody feel comfortable that the days of race being an issue are well behind us.
Rooibos Tea
A South African white person will proclaim at the drop of a hat how much they love South Africa, and nothing makes them feel more South African than sipping rooibos tea. It's great because this orange, tasteless tea can only be grown in the Western Cape and is thus 100 per cent South African. It is the most patriotic tea, since other teas are likely to come from Sri Lanka. The most hardcore way to consume rooibos is straight up in a cup, without milk or sugar. When sipping rooibos with a white person, it is also best to smack your lips every now and then give a satisfied, Ah!' For added white-person points, you can sip your rooibos while dunking buttermilk-flavoured Ouma Rusks in your cup (see 133 ouma rusks).
Having Black Friends
Much has been made about the way that white people adore all aspects of black culture and history. Internationally, these days the majority of hip-hop, jazz, blues and reggae fans are actually white people. Ask a white person about Miles Davis and they might be moved to tears of respect (very rare). So it comes as no surprise that white people love having black friends. They serve many valuable functions. The most important role that the black friend can play in white culture is that he or she can be used as physical evidence that a white person is not racist. Did you know that if you are able to acquire a friend of every race, then you are officially designated as the least racist person on earth? Though this is impossible, white people treat it the same way that Buddhists view enlightenment, impossible to achieve, but there is great virtue in the journey. Black friends can also be used to confirm that a white person is knowledgeable about Black Culture. Many white people are constantly striving to be recognised as an expert, and many consider it a life achievement to be befriended and acknowledged by a black person. But note, do not dole out your praise like Chuckles. Once a white person has achieved their goal, they will be more difficult to manipulate. So it is best to tease them with little bits of praise, balanced with a few barbs: 'It's quite brave of you to hang out downtown at Kitchener's Pub. Sure, it's mostly a white crowd tonight, but still. [...]
This is an excerpt from the book: Stuff South African white people like, by Christian Lander and Hagen Engler.
Title: Stuff South African white people like
Authors: Christian Lander; Hagen Engler
Genre: Satire, Humor
Publisher: Jonathan Ball Publishers
Johannesburg; Cape Town, South Africa 2014
ISBN 9781868426126 / ISBN 978-1-86842-612-6
Softcover, 15 x 21 cm, 224 pages
Lander, Christian und Engler, Hagen im Namibiana-Buchangebot
Stuff South African white people like
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