On solid ground, by Gabrielle Lubowski

On solid ground, by Gabrielle Lubowski. ISBN 9781456475291 / ISBN 978-1-4564-7529-1

On solid ground, by Gabrielle Lubowski. ISBN 9781456475291 / ISBN 978-1-4564-7529-1

On solid Ground is the story about Gabrielle Lubowski's search for meaning after her life fell apart when her husband Anton Lubowski was assasinated outside his home in September 1989.

Gabrielle Lubowski  

THE STRUGGLE FOR NAMIBIA'S FREEDOM

The 12th of September 1989, (the day of Anton Lubowski's assasination) began like any other day. As usual, I dropped off the children at school and then I went about my activities. The last couple of months had been the most exciting in my life. I did not regret making the move to Cape Town. I had left Windhoek with the children in the middle of January 1989 with three suitcases and four boxes of stuff. It was my first adventurous action in a long time. Cape Town was a beautiful place to live in and I had all the family around, my parents-in-law, my sister and her husband and their newborn baby boy and my younger sister-in-law and her family. I had chosen to work on the project called "my marriage." In January 1989, I found out that Anton was having yet another affair with a young attorney, Michaela Clayton. To me it was evident now that unless we actively did something, nothing would change. We had been in this pattern for too long. At first I was utterly devastated and all I could think of was to take my life or possibly start drinking, just anything to take away the pain. I was sitting on Houtbay beach watching my children playing in the water when the pain of everything engulfed me. It was a devastating experience to look at the failure of my marriage. I thought back to 1987 when Anton had a previous affair with a journalist in Johannesburg. I had told him then that if it ever happened again I would divorce him. The day had in fact arrived and, at that moment in complete despair, I clearly heard a voice saying 'I will carry you through this' and I then felt peaceful and strong and I was once again reminded that God did exist. From that moment on, I knew that I could handle anything that might come my way. I felt strong, supported and loved. Life started to look adventurous again and worth living, the trauma of the 'struggle years' began to lift and I felt new hope. Up until now, I had not shared my God-experiences with anybody else and I decided to keep it that way. Slowly I began to take small, shaky baby steps to uncover the nature of this newfound treasure. I began to listen and to search. I would put out a question or request and then wait. Sometimes I would read the Bible. The interesting thing that happened was that God began to work on me. He seemed to take away my focus on Anton's wrongdoings, where I had kept my focus, and redirect it towards me. It was a new experience for me to have to look at my own faults that were neither working nor bringing desired results. For the first time I could see how convinced I was that I was always right, how difficult it was for me to forgive and how stingy I was of giving of myself. In my prayers, I sensed God saying that I should be a good friend to Anton, to forgive him and to give him the freedom of choice. I took all my frustrations, my questions and my despair to God and He gave me wisdom and understanding. Life took on a new dimension. I got very excited, as it seemed possible that we could restore our marriage. After the children returned from their school holiday with Anton, I was able to tell him in July 1989 that we were coming back to Windhoek. His response was 'I am so relieved'. We agreed that the children and I would fly to Namibia in the September school holidays. By that time, Anton and I were already divorced. I delivered on the words I had spoken in 1987 that if he had another affair 1 would not even discuss it with him, but go straight to a lawyer and begin divorce proceedings. However, now that the moment had arrived, I told him that I did not want to be part of the procedure, but that he as a lawyer must handle the whole process. We both hesitated for a while whether we should actually go ahead with it or not and dragged things out a bit. Then I called him in Windhoek one day and Michaela answered the phone. It hurt me a lot that she was now living in our house and I decided that I did not want to experience this pain anymore, so I demanded of Anton to finalize the divorce. (...)

This is an excerpt from the book: On solid ground, by Gabrielle Lubowski.

Title: On solid ground
Author: Gabrielle Lubowski
Publisher: Createspace
Cape Town, South Africa 2011
ISBN 9781456475291 / ISBN 978-1-4564-7529-1
Paperback, 13x22 cm, 284 pages, many b/w photos

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On solid ground

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